


Of Superheroes and City Employees

by rikyl



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Episode: Camping, F/M, Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-25
Updated: 2011-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-18 04:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10609383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikyl/pseuds/rikyl
Summary: Leslie thinks about Ben during Camping





	

“Hey! Leslie, wait up!” She recognized the sound of Tom’s tiny quick footsteps on the parking lot pavement behind her.

 

“Tom, what is it? I want to get home. I have a million things to do before the retreat tomorrow.”

 

“You know Ben is coming to this thing, right?”

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“You know why, right?”

 

“Sure. To brainstorm ideas for the parks department.”

 

Tom looked at her like she was dim. “Geez, Leslie. Not since Lois Lane has a woman been this oblivious.”

 

“Lois Lane. Is she the one who didn’t know Clark Kent was Superman?”

 

“No,” Tom said pointedly. “She’s the one who didn’t know Clark Kent was in love with her.”

 

Leslie rolled her eyes. “I’m not Lois Lane. Look, Tom, I appreciate your concern, but I gotta go! I’ll see you tomorrow. 6: 45.”

 

\----------

 

Leslie knew herself well enough to know she wasn’t the smoothest operator when it came to romance. She flirted awkwardly, bumbled through first dates, and had inspired some of the most ridiculous breakups in the history of relationships. And she was mostly okay with that—in fact, she felt like one of her better qualities was her ability to laugh at herself. And anyone who couldn’t see past her ineptitude to appreciate her good intentions wasn’t worth her time or affection anyway.

 

But truth be told, Leslie Knope wasn’t as romantically tone-deaf as Tom and everyone else in the world seemed to believe. Exhibit A: She had known for a while that Ben Wyatt had a thing for her.

 

The inklings had started during the Chamber of Commerce meeting where she had pitched the Harvest Festival. She had only the vaguest, fever-doused recollection of what went down in that meeting room, but the fragments that pierced through her hallucinatory haze were all of Ben taking care of her. Ben’s concerned gaze. Ben’s steadying hands. Ben’s soothing voice. Of course, she hadn’t been sure it all wasn’t just a figment of her flu meds until he appeared later in her hospital room. Just-colleagues don’t generally show up anywhere you might be wearing a backless nightgown. And the fact that he came bearing waffles and soup—well, they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And when they say “man,” they’re wrong. They mean Leslie.

 

And actually, if forced to admit it, she had some pretty warm fuzzies for him too. He had become her favorite person to talk to, the one she most looked forward to seeing every day, the bright point in her pressure-cooker of a life.

 

As for not acting on those feelings … well, she had her reasons.

 

One was that for most of Ben’s time in Pawnee, her utmost priority had to be saving her department. It was about salvaging her own career, and the careers of almost everyone dear to her, but more than that it was doing what she felt was right for her beloved community. That had to take precedence over everything else. To accomplish what she needed to for the Harvest Festival, she needed to focus. She needed to be able to work with this guy. She needed him on her side to get this thing done—no complications, no distractions.

 

But now that the festival was over, only her second reason remained. And that was—

 

Well, actually, she didn’t care to think about that right now. She had some very important idea sheets to categorize and alphabetize.

 

\---------

 

This camping trip was a bust.

 

“I’ve just honestly never met anyone who works as hard as you do,” Ben was saying to her. “You’re like the Energizer Bunny of city government.”

 

And it should have been a really nice moment. Fresh air, a beautiful view, and a smart, good-looking guy beaming down at her with adoration and respect. Yes—that’s right, she saw it. But the sunset was tinged will smog, and the adoration was tinged with … something that made her really nervous.

 

He reached out and touched her arm in a reassuring way, and the way he was looking at her just then, she knew this could be it. This could be the moment when they started to be LeslieandBen instead of Leslie and Ben. All she had to do was to move a little closer, reach out and touch him back, to do something, anything, to let him know she was interested.

 

Instead she shifted back just the slightest bit, but enough that he dropped his hand away and shoved it back into his jacket pocket. “We should be getting back. I want to see what the others have come up with,” she said.

 

“Yeah, okay … yeah, we should do that.” Ben’s voice didn’t sound quite right, and she knew she had hurt him a little bit.

 

She hadn’t wanted to do that. But there was that second reason, the one she didn’t want to think about.

 

And that was that he scared her. Sweet, nerdy, mild-mannered Ben scared the freaking bejeebers out of her.

 

\--------

 

Leslie knew Ben had meant to reassure her, but she didn’t feel the least bit reassured. And now, they were gathered around the campfire, everyone’s eyes looking at her expectantly. Every single one of them thought she was the one who would deliver the idea that would light the way to a better and more effective parks department. It wasn’t even that they were lazy; it was just that they believed in her. Ben believed in her.

 

She kept thinking it would come to her, that all that confidence wouldn’t be misplaced, and she’d come through at the last possible second. Even as she opened her mouth, she expected the idea to just appear there on the tip of her tongue. Halfway through her sentence, she had to admit that wasn’t the case.

 

“Here it is. … What do you think? … I don’t have an idea! Sorry …” And she heard herself keep babbling, worse than the dumb babbling brook, maniacally ordering everyone not to sleep until they figured it out or something, and then, was she seriously banging on a grill? All the while, she couldn’t make herself look at Ben. She didn’t want to see him realize that she wasn’t an everlasting fountain of bright ideas.

 

\------

On the walk to the bed and breakfast, she purposefully sandwiched herself between April and Donna, who both gave her an odd look. They had been talking about Ann, and when Leslie butted in, they clammed up. But she didn’t want to end up walking with Ben. She glanced back at him just long enough to see him give her an uncertain look, then fall back to walk with Tom.

 

Okay, so she was scared.

 

It was something about the way he looked at her, and the things that he said to her: “You’re like a ninja crossed with a Jedi.” “You’re like the Energizer Bunny of local city government.” “You’re Leslie Knope.” Who could live up to all of that hype?

 

It reminded her of the way that Dave used to put her up on a pedestal and make her feel like the most adored and impressive woman in Pawnee. But Dave had been different, because—and she didn’t like to admit this, because it didn’t seem all that nice to Dave—but his opinion hadn’t mattered as much to her. When they had first met, Dave hadn’t even known who Madeleine Albright was—while she happened to know that Ben held several well-formed opinions about the former secretary of state. The things that would impress Ben weren’t the same as the things that had impressed Dave.

 

And Ben’s opinion had really come to matter to her. Already, she was feeling the pressure of having him nearby and wanting him to think well of her. She wanted to think of the perfect Next Big Thing—mostly because she liked to be good at her job, but just a tiny bit because she wanted to impress him again.

 

What worried her wasn’t the way he looked at her. It was the prospect that someday he might stop looking at her like that.

 

\-------

 

When Ron pushed her through a doorway at the BnB, her first thought was that it must be Ben’s room. Of course Ron would have sensed the romantic tension between them—he was weirdly perceptive about things like that. And of course he would think the solution to all of Leslie’s problems would be to get laid.

 

She was almost disappointed when she saw no one in the room but cats. But that was crazy—what would she have done locked in Ben’s room anyway—jump him? That would have been fun, sure, but it would have made her life more complicated, not less.

 

Shoving a few felines on the floor to make room, she collapsed onto the bed, feeling drained and confused. The problem was that she wasn’t sure if he liked her for who she was or for what she did. The compliments, the starry-liked looks, they all seemed tied to professional achievements. Sure, there was something wonderful and thrilling about being appreciated for that side of herself, because it was so much of who she was, and never before had a guy made her feel so brainy and capable. But there was something daunting about that too—the pressure to be on all the time.

 

She had to think of an idea. But the bed was so soft, and there were two to three cats nuzzling and purring in her face. In minutes, she was asleep.

 

\-------

 

Leslie awoke, disoriented, to the smell of strange muffins, then sat straight up in bed. She had dreamed vividly all night long and into the morning, and Alf hadn’t been in a single one. She had ideas. Quickly, she grabbed the first thing she could find, took the pen from the guestbook, and started scribbling.

 

The door was unjammed, and she emerged to see Jerry sitting contentedly with three cats in his lap and one across his feet.

 

“Where is everybody?”

 

“Gone home, I guess,” said Jerry. “It’s a shame no one can appreciate a little relaxation.”

 

Leslie looked at him like he was crazy.

 

\------

 

She managed to catch a bus back to city hall, and twenty minutes later, she burst through the door of the office, ready to pitch her doily-full of projects. For a brief instant, she was caught off guard by the fact that everybody else had dressed for a workday. There was Ben, in his button-down plaid and skinny tie, and she hadn’t even showered or combed her hair.

 

But that was okay! Because Ben had never once told her she smelled nice or that he liked what she was wearing. He was all about her mind, and she was on fire in that department today.

 

So she fired away: Telescopes for an observatory! Date nights for seniors! Yard sales with an antique roadshow twist!

 

And there was Ben with that familiar look again—looking at her like she was Princess Leia or the first woman to walk on the moon. It made her feel warm all over. She could get seriously addicted to that particular brand of warmth.

 

And that scared her—scared the bushy-tailed confidence out of her. She had to get out of there.

 

“Well! I’m glad you liked my ideas. I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go home and … you know, shower. And I’ll get the details worked up later.”

 

“Can we expect those in doily format again?” She heard Ron chuckling as she took off down the hallway, her feet picking up speed until she pushed through the door into the October sunlight. The tears were starting to build behind her eyes, and she wanted to get to her car before they started to overflow.

 

Halfway there, she heard footsteps on the pavement behind her. This time they were soft, assured, kind. Kind? How could footsteps sound kind?

 

When she turned around, she knew she was going to see Ben. She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and tried to smile convincingly.

 

He looked surprised to find her in that state. “Leslie …” he trailed off, frowning in concern, and they just stood there looking at each other. Suddenly his face changed, as if he had made a decision. He put his hand on her back and started leading her back the way she had come, not toward the building, but to his car.

 

“Why, what?” she mumbled.

 

“Just get in, okay?” he said gently. “I don’t want to have this conversation here, in the city hall parking lot.”

 

\-----

 

They drove in mostly silence, Ben tapping nervously on the steering wheel and shooting her concerned glances, as Leslie sulked in the seat beside him.

 

“Where are we going?” she finally asked.

 

“Just … try to be patient. Do you trust me?”

 

She looked at him, considering. “I don’t know,” she said, and it was the honest truth.

 

Of course she should trust him. In the span of a few months, he had practically become her best friend. Would he lie to her? No. Would he have her back? Yes. If they were in a relationship, would he treat her well? She felt pretty sure he would. And still, there was this nagging doubt clawing at her mojo, something she couldn’t quite shake.

 

She didn’t trust him not to see through her.

 

Seriously, did she have to exhibit the skills of a Jedi or a ninja all the time, or would he still like her when she was just a normal human being? What if he had fallen for her during the high point of her career, and she never managed to do anything as great ever again—would he be disappointed? What if he someday realized that the “Leslie Knope” of his dreams was just Leslie—the girl who had never left her hometown and who was still deputy of one department in a small city, and maybe (as she thought, in her darker moments) always would be?

 

Looking out the window, Leslie finally realized that the scenery looked familiar, and the next thing she knew they were turning into the campground. The vans and all of Tom’s camping equipment had vanished, so they must have already been back to collect everything. The whole place looked empty.

 

“Why are we here?”

 

Without saying anything, Ben parked and got out of the car, then walked around to open her door. “Leslie, I need a do-over. Would you go on a walk with me?” His expression hovered halfway between nervous and determined.

 

She nodded and got out of the car, and they started walking the same way that they had gone the previous evening, and at first the only sound was the leaves crunching quietly under their feet.

 

Suddenly, Ben confessed, “I followed you to the parking lot because I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

 

What was he talking about? “Apologize?” She eyed him sideways, confused. He had his hands shoved in his pockets again, and his expression was unreadable.

 

“Yeah. … You came to me for reassurance, and I felt like I let you down. I said all the wrong things, and it’s been nagging at me ever since.” He paused and gulped. “I want to be someone … I want to be someone who you feel like you can come to for that sort of thing.”

 

As she took that in, she realized they had arrived at the same spot where they ended up yesterday, but the sun was high in the sky this time. She looked at the wispy clouds while she tried to figure out what to say. One of them looked like Alf.

 

Finally, she blurted, “Why do you like me?”

 

He gaped. “Excuse me?”

 

“You do, right? It’s okay. I’m onto you. I figured it out.” Not that she felt defensive about it or anything.

 

For a moment he looked like he was struggling to swallow or breath. Finally, he choked out, “Yeah, okay. Cat’s out of the bag. Cards on the table. Yes. Yes, I like you.” He cleared his throat and appeared suddenly very interested in that Alf cloud.

 

“Why, though? I mean, sorry, I know how that sounds. I don’t have low self-esteem, and I’m not fishing for compliments. I just … I really need to know.”

 

“Um ...” he spread his hands apart, looking wide-eyed and helpless. “Give me a second. I wasn’t planning on … I didn’t think this was what we were going to talk about.”

 

Leslie felt bad for putting him on the spot, but she couldn’t help it; she pushed on. “Because I’m not really a Jedi, you know. I’m not a ninja.”

 

Ben squinted at her, and she couldn’t tell if he was amused or just really confused, or possibly just missing his sunglasses. “Leslie,” he said quietly. “Of course I know that. Those are … similes. I’m not Chris, you know, where everything’s literal.”

 

“I know what a simile is, Ben!” she was almost shouting at him now, and she tried to take a deep breath to calm down. She didn’t want to start crying again. “Look, Ben, you just happened to show up in time to see the greatest project of my career. All you’ve ever known is the best possible version of Leslie. I’m not always the best possible version of myself … and when I’m not …” she trailed off, shaking her head.

 

For as long as she could remember, she had put a huge amount of pressure on herself, always dreaming bigger and better, always working harder to do more, to do better. And whatever she did or didn’t achieve, she only had herself (and, okay, sort of her mother) to reckon with. She could handle that.

 

If he fell in love with her, if he stayed here for her, she felt like she’d have to keep topping herself for the rest of her life—because he believed in her, and she didn’t want to let him down.

 

Ben was quiet for a minute beside her, looking contemplative and a little traumatized. “Leslie, please trust me. I get it.”

 

She wiped her eyes again, wanting to believe him. “You do?”

 

“That’s what I was trying to apologize for. You came to me looking for reassurance yesterday, and all I did was put more pressure on you. You’re not the Energizer Bunny, I know that, and you don’t have to be.”

 

“But …”

 

“No. No ‘but.’ Look, I know you’re good at what you do, and I have so much respect for that, but ...” He let out a big to-hell-with-it sigh. “I like you because your heart’s in the right place, and you always have good intentions, and you’re always thinking of others. I like you because you made me believe in myself again, and believe me, that was no easy feat. I like you because … because you’re Leslie.” He smiled ruefully, adding, “And those pigtails aren’t hurting either.”

 

She felt herself blushing, and she realized that his reassuring hand had found its way to her upper arm again. Bringing her eyes up to meet his, she saw that look again, that look of complete admiration that kept getting under her skin. But he definitely wasn’t seeing her at her best right now—he was seeing emotional-basketcase Leslie, hadn’t-showered-since-before-the-camping-trip Leslie, and oh-God-she-just-remembered-she-had-morning-breath Leslie.

 

But she also noticed a look of subtle pleading in those soft brown eyes, of vulnerability, and it dawned on her that he must be a little scared too. Because former-boy-mayor Benji was putting his heart out there, and what kind of encouragement had she given him so far?

 

She turned toward him a little and reached over to take his other hand in hers, causing his breath to draw in sharply. “Just so we’re clear,” she whispered. “I’m just Leslie. Not Superhero Leslie or Captain of the Universe Leslie, or Astronaut Leslie. Just, you know, deputy director of the parks department. And I’m proud of that, but that’s all I am.”

 

“Leslie, please, shut up,” he muttered, tugging her hand a little to pull her in close. She fell into him and buried her head in his chest, while he held her and rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.

 

“Ben Wyatt,” she said, smiling against his shirt. “We are so going to make out just as soon as I get a shower.”

 

He laughed softly into her hair. “I am going to hold you to that.”

 

\-----

 

Walking back to the car, Ben held her hand and kept shooting shy sideways smiles at her. It made her tingle with warmth all over, and she felt herself beaming back at him.

 

“Okay, it’s my turn,” he said.

 

“Your turn for what?’

 

He bumped her shoulder. “What do you like about me?”

 

She almost gave him a flip answer, something jokey and flirtatious. Then she remembered, first, that she wasn’t very good at flirting, and second, that Ben had taken her so seriously when she had asked the exact same question. So she thought for a long moment.

 

“I like that you’re a good person, that you know how to dream big, but that you’re still grounded. I like that you make me laugh, and you make me feel calm in a way that I don’t usually feel calm. You make me feel good. And you're ... you're Ben Wyatt.”

 

He seemed to like that answer, because he blushed and grinned at the ground. When they had almost gotten to the car, he turned to her and grinned. “So … Astronaut Leslie?”

 

She swatted at him playfully. “No! I said I’m NOT Astronaut Leslie!”

 

“Are you sure? Can’t I just imagine that sometimes? I kinda like it.”

 

“No, don’t be ridiculous.”

 

“Okay. Well, is it all right if I just think you’re amazing?”

 

Leslie sighed theatrically. “I guess, if you have to, I can get used to that.”


End file.
